fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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