I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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