I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
