Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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