ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize