ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
