I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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