I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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