I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ladies don't puke and tell
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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