Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
