Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
