just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
