u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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