I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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