they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
