i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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