Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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