is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
