oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
