I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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