your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
