I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
