im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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