guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
