Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
