I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
