# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
