I'm going to jail i love you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
