Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
