It's Friday. Sex?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
