Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
