We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
