can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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