so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
