remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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