Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
