i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize