batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
