I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
