i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My life is pants optional.
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