oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
