I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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