For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
