I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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