That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
