Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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