it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
