I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize