I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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