Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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