Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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