Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
