OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
