I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
