I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize