If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
