i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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