i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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