you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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