You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
