Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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