32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize