I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
her facebook's as public as her vagina
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
