You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
