Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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