just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
